Presidential couple: They are just like us! They fight for the message too.
In an interview earlier this year with Harpers Bazaar, First Lady Jill Biden has revealed that she and President Joe Biden have occasionally argued over the message to avoid a fight in front of the Secret Service. (They dubbed this habit “suffocating.”)
It makes sense why couples – including the first – take their messages accordingly. Cindy ChooA marriage and family therapist in San Francisco who works with fair sharers.
“With the message, my clients say they can maintain a level of connection while still having room to express themselves thoughtfully,” she told HuffPost. You will have no pressure to resolve the conflict immediately.”
For some – especially introverts – fexting offers a way to think through arguments. instead of tripping, closing, or exploding, said Lia HuynhMarriage and Family Therapist in Milpitas california which customers have contacted as well
Huynh told HuffPost, “Another benefit is that it helps someone calm down before responding.”
“I always advise clients to stop replying to their partner if they get angry messages,” she explains. “Go for a walk, take a deep breath and respond. You don’t have this luxury when you’re in the heat of the moment.”
Couples with children may turn to quarrels to avoid face-to-face arguments. Friends and family members often face off as well.
Mizi Samuels-Waithe A family and marriage therapist says, “It’s amazing how many arguments arise between close friends or family members. compared to romantic couples Wellspace SF“Often it’s because some of my clients live with partners. So they like to resolve conflicts on their own.”
A heavy discussion of text messages can be a way for parents to approach closed-up, sober teens. Texting someone about your request or issue may offer a reasonable emotional distance to understand your point. Judith AronowitzTherapist in New York City
“Some teenagers have trouble expressing their feelings. So writing things It may help them communicate more directly and clearly,” Aronowitz said.
“Also, teens can sometimes accept something from their parents through text messages that they won’t have a one-on-one conversation,” she said. It has some protection.”
Usually, people sometimes use text therapy as a receipt for bad behavior. (or good behavior)
“Couples would pull out their phones to prove someone wrong and check their arguments,” Aronowitz said, “often used as evidence in the court of love.”
The problem is that trying to win an argument or prove your point is not the goal of a good conversation, even when it comes to urgency. You want to understand the perspectives of your loved ones and get as much access to their experiences as possible, Aronowitz says.
Troubleshooting the background isn’t always easy in the text. say Shana TrimbleMarriage and Family Therapist in Tucker, Georgia
“In the exchange of messages, ‘See’ or ‘K’ can be found as a battle word.”
“The disadvantages of messaging include miscommunication. And one partner tried to avoid the message. This can exacerbate even a simple debate,” Trimble said. “In addition, skilled communicators with negative intentions can handle a lot of messages. while unskilled communicators good Intentions are often misunderstood.”
Even if neither party tries to deal with the other Text translations can also be lost. No matter how many emojis you use The biggest death toll is usually the tone.
Let’s say you have a stressful conversation with someone via text message. And at the end you’ll text them “great thanks.” You know what you mean is: Great, I really appreciate the conversation and I’m glad we understood. but for another It might seem abrupt and indifferent: thank you for nothing
And for many in the exchange of messages, “see” or “K” can generally be a battle word.
“People sometimes interpret unresponsiveness as fighting or assault,” Samuels-Waithe said.
Fexting can be flawed. But as long as we stick to our phones It’s definitely here. Below, a therapist will give you the best advice to make your next argument as effective and personal as possible.
Ask if the person has time to talk via text.
Avoid surprise attacks and open-ended five-paragraph messages, says Charmain Jackman, psychologist, founder and CEO of InnoPsych, Inc., a network that connects BIPOC therapists.
“Ask the person if they are free. And is it a good time for them to engage in conversation with you?” she said. “It shows that you respect them by asking them permission to engage with you.”
Emoji won’t frustrate the mood, but it does. can It allows you to convey your feelings and intonation rather than text without emojis.
“Using emojis or even GIFs can help create clearer images for communication. Because you can’t see a person’s facial expressions or body language when you text,” said Samuels-Waithe.
A smiling face or GIF may add some much-needed vitality to a conversation.
“I’ve had clients share their favorite emojis or meme when they want to express themselves in their relationship,” says Samuels-Waithe. “It’s really cool and useful for them.”
If you avoid relationships or replying to messages too late Don’t be dragged into the rant.
If you’re reputed to never reply to messages Or you know that you have an avoidant attachment format and tend to leave messages “read.” You should avoid being critical.
If your partner or your friend is arguing over text messages. Instead, respond casually, “I really want to talk more about this with you. But I’d better ask if we could do it ourselves.” (Make sure you find time to talk and don’t let them hang.)
Recognize that some people feel comfortable expressing themselves through written words.
If your partner feels they can do more through text messages. give them that chance
“Some people communicate their complex feelings better through writing. Accept that texting can give your partner a place to express that they might not have,” says Kate Stoddard. Family and marriage therapist at Wellspace SF
Of course you still There are options to respond as you feel comfortable with. Either it was recorded at the moment or followed by a verbal conversation. (control your emotions!) later
Use “me” instead of “you” to avoid blaming others.
Here’s a solid gold relationship advice for any conversation. not just text
“Using the word ‘I’ when expressing concern to focus on the emotional impact of conflict can help,” said Samuels-Waithe.
For example, you might want to send a message that “Did you really throw your trash in the trash this morning?” Instead, write something like, “I have to be honest. I was tired of rushing to send my kids to school and seeing that the trash was not taken out.”
If the conversation starts to get too hot or you know the problem can’t be solved with text. Make a plan to talk to yourself.
Excuse me, introverts. If you’re really going to solve the problem You may have to deal with face-to-face conversations, Jackson says.
“Transcription can help people convey their emotions through body language and tone of voice. and bring those involved closer together,” she said.
Remember: The more serious the conversation, the more it has to take place in person.
In general, Huynh tries to stop her customers from sending floggings. She thinks messaging should ideally be used for affectionate communication (memes, dog videos, “Just thinking of you” messages during the day) or for logistical purposes (“Hey, when are you free to come together? Can I have a fight with you?” Just kidding, kidding.)
“I think that statements that are too serious can be misleading,” she said, “and if you are talking about anger, heartlessness – possibly out of anger – these will always be with your partner to read, remember and bring it up again.”